This has been a hard year for all of us.
2020 has become synonymous with “crazy”, “unexpected” and some four letter words that often come out in moments of anger and frustration.
And as this year progresses to reveal harder-to-process information and as it forces us to overcome resistance and face our sh*t head on, it is necessary to build our team of supportive people. People who can hold space for us to process and allow us to be vulnerable without feeling judged or that our vulnerabilities will be used against us later. These people are so essential to our emotional and mental well-being and hopefully, we can return the favour and be that supportive team member for them.
The first tool needed for a supportive team member is the process of validating. Validating includes recognizing a person’s emotions, acknowledging where they are at and accepting them in that moment. Starting in May, I began to see the theme of validation popping up everywhere. From interactions with my partner and friends to people on the news screaming and marching to be heard. Validation is so important on so many levels.
On a micro level, I can personally share the hurt I felt from my partner who brushed off my feelings regarding insecurities about my body and the stagnation of our relationship. Instead of acknowledging how I was feeling and accepting that that was where I was at in that moment, my partner simply stated “Then do something about your body” and “I don’t see anything wrong with our relationship, you’re overthinking it”. Ooh, that still makes me cringe. These are common ways that emotions are dismissed and invalidated, nevermind the little dose of gaslighting mixed in. Although we are always working on our relationship, being reminded of these statements still stings as I write about them.
On a macro level, we can see the years of gaslighting and invalidating coming out of the darkness and into the light. The Black Lives Matter movement has become so big because Black, Indigenous and People of Colour have been stating blatant and systemic inequalities in North America for over 100 years and they still have to scream, yell, protest and do whatever they can to be heard. All because those in power have invalidated their statements and gaslighted the severity of the problem since the problem began.
This is why validation is essential to a healthy you, in a healthy relationship in a healthy society. Validating allows one to feel seen and heard, the first steps in any healing journey, big or small. When I can feel seen and heard in a relationship where I am not judged for my feelings, I feel confident, strong, loved, and whole. When a group of people, fighting for their rights, can feel seen and heard, society as a whole can heal the injustices done in the past together and create new systems that embrace diversity and inclusivity.
Validating the emotions and feelings of yourself and those around you is just one of many steps in healing with compassion and empathy and it’s importance is often underrated and rarely seen. As this year continues to flip our world as we know it on it’s head, I hope it allows all to see the necessity of validating and encourages more to listen, learn and validate the emotions and stories of those around them.
Lot’s of Love,
Charissa
