I would like to introduce a beautiful soul who lightens the room and lifts all those around her up. Through all her tough times, she never ceases to be an amazing light on this world. Please enjoy my great friend and our guest writer, Michelle!
Wow! What an honour and privilege to have this OPPORTUNITY to share my story. I really want to give back to life 
and I hope I can do this through my story. My life is pretty much the same as everyone else’s. We all have our trials and tribulations in life; every experience is as real as any other. I am 47 years old and am on an “ALL IN” journey to self-love and discovery, facing my fears head on, living truthfully, and finding gratitude and opportunity in every day to make a difference. My whole life is unfolding with clarity and light. I believe we gain our power through traumatic experiences and we are put on this earth to help one another. When we chose to believe and be true to ourselves, we gain our power, our voice to live a life that will only serve us and others; there is no need for sacrifice. We all have our own gifts and strengths. When we work together and support one another we are empowered with having it all; life challenges are no longer perceived with fear but as opportunities, new beginnings, new strengths, and hope for a better future. We are given gifts from god and others to support us through tough times and transitions in life to survive and to find our way. We are always supported and loved; we just have to ask for help. Never be ashamed or too proud to ask. We all need and deserve kindness, compassion, and love. Once we live life from love we are able to look at life from a positive perspective, able to forgive yourself and others and make choices that give you what you need to be fulfilled and happy.
When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with bone cancer. I said “okay, take it out and I will be on my way” but I saw fear in my parents’ tears of what cancer looked like to them. My entire life flipped from popularity, carefree and hardcore sports player to quiet, isolated and physically weak. I lived with many other youths in the hospitals that were battling their own illnesses and together we found our strengths through one another. We shared our stories, cried and laughed together, loved one another when the other was too weak. Some of us didn’t survive but I can honestly say they did not leave this world with fear and they were never alone. This carried on for 4 years. During my treatments, I spearheaded a cancer fundraiser and rose over $5000 back in 1984. I was the first one in Canada to undergo an artificial limb transplant. I was on display for university students and intern doctors to learn from. A year later the body cast was removed. I was driving one day with my mom, hit a bump in the road and my arm snapped, hanging there from just the skin holding it together. The surgery was unsuccessful and I was given a choice at the age of 17 for another experimental surgery using my own body parts or amputation. I chose amputation with no regrets and no hesitation. I was ready to start enjoying life. So I put on my bikini and headed to the beach for the summer to show the world “I survived.” I received a letter from a girl that did have the second surgery that was successful and she thanked me for going through the first one. I returned to my home school to finish my last trimester in school, only to find I was invisible. Not even eye contact or small talk from my old peers. This was so painful. I felt rejected, unloved because I was different. I know now it was just their own insecurities but the pain was too much to endure. So I left my loving family and moved to my grandmother’s and finished school in Edmonton. I mentored many cancer patients and amputees along the way. I was the living proof and hope that everything will be ok and “Yes! You can do it!”. I also became a Big Sister to a beautiful 15-year-old girl with Down syndrome. Being the light and a positive role model for others really inspired me and filled me up with more peace and love.
Unfortunately, I became addicted to prescription drugs from the four years of surgeries and chemotherapy that I was exposed to through cancer. The drugs altered my perception of truth and my sheltered life of living my teenage years in a hospital and in the care of my loving family’s home. My lack of experience in the outside world left me pretty vulnerable with a false sense of security of who I needed to be in order for approval and to be accepted in society. I was violated repeatedly one evening by an older boyfriend who belittled me and told me to grow up. I did not have the courage or voice to stand up for myself. At 20 I took a bunch of pills to take my own life but realized I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. So I called my mom and admitted myself into a program and found my strength again.
At 21 I was diagnosed with skin cancer. I worked full time and supported myself through a two-year experimental chemo program that was administered 2 days a week from home. I worked evenings and weekends to keep up with my responsibilities at work but I was still scrutinized as weak and handicapped by my boss. So I worked even harder to prove myself. From here I decided to further empower myself through education in the evenings after work. 10 years of self-discipline and hard work and I completed my accounting diploma.
My diploma came just in time to become a mother at 31 and experienced severe postpartum depression. I could not even care for myself let alone my beautiful newborn baby girl. So I fell apart again, checked myself into the hospital until I was stabilized in my emotional and physical wellbeing. With tons of support and love from my sisters, mother, family, loving and kind respite worker and other support groups in the community I found my strength.
I returned to work one year later to be stripped of my title. I was replaced by two people. I was basically demoted and given menial tasks unable to use the education I worked so hard for all because I choose to take the new one-year maternity leave. I was being punished. So I quit and because my husband worked so hard away from home I was able to become a stay at home mom for another year and a bit. I became a member of the Parenting for the Future program as a guide to help other moms and children through their struggles. I opened my home for other small children that needed extra caring for because of their guardian’s addictions or depression. I provided healthy food, good hygiene, bathing, brushing teeth and hair and clean clothing I picked up from the local church sale and gave it to any children that showed up at my home in need of a little extra love and kindness. It never cost that much but it is true endless ration is always provided with truth and love. The responsibilities inside and outside the home were mine plus caring for my little gift of life (my sidekick) 
She was the light that inspired me to keep going, be strong, to survive and to be her source of support and truth. While my husband worked away he fell into alcoholism and refused to get help. When my daughter was three I left my husband and home with my daughter and a suitcase and moved into a basement suite. I got a full-time job the next week and kept moving forward. He did support his daughter financially through a maintenance court order which gave his daughter the opportunity to be in sports and creative groups which have helped her build her power. No regrets, no fear just hopes for a better future.
5 years later I met my second husband who became an amazing father figure in my daughter’s life and still is very much her confidant in life. Of course, I am too. She is fearless, driven, and strong just like me. She will be a leader I am sure. I gave my whole self into being the best mom and wife I could be. I put their needs and happiness before my own. But even then our household was not peaceful, I did not feel the unconditional love and respect from my family. Why?
At 47 I fell apart. I was exhausted; I lost myself, my strength, my way. I felt empty, lonely, and isolated. This time I wanted answers why am I repeating this pain? Life should not feel like this. What am I missing? I had more than I have ever had in my life materially yet I still felt empty. So I jumped in with both feet. Dove into my lessons in Trilotherapy guided by Jeri Tourand. Lived basically in a suitcase for most of the summer. Stayed at my mom’s for a 
few weeks. Took a trip out in nature, slept in the back of my truck with just the basics food, water, a roof over my head, a couple of changes of clothes and friends. I was fortunate to have a loving friend who allowed me my freedom and looked after my daughter. I felt free, I could breathe again. I realized then material things did not bring happiness. I already had everything I needed. My power, my happiness did not come from any external being or thing. It came from inside me. I found a safe and loving environment to open my soul, and shared my life stories so I could be seen and completely vulnerable and raw to love myself for who I truly am.
I was experiencing some health issues and ended up having my thyroid removed. The day before I got my results back, I was sitting in a self-awareness class and was approached by a lady who had gone through thyroid cancer. She shared her story with me. My results came back as thyroid cancer but this time I was not afraid. The miracle of meeting this woman before I had the results is evidence and proof enough for me to just trust that god and the universe have your back, you just have to BELIEVE. I did not end up having to go through chemo, the surgery was enough. I saw the light, the gifts, and beauty that transpired from all my experiences. I was already making a difference in this world. I was just one brave beautiful little girl and woman who shared similar trials in life as everyone else.
Today I live each day with passion and gratitude. It has changed how I see myself and the world around me. My relationships in my life have become healthy and strong. Instead of pain, I see opportunity and strength; my scars are my beauty marks. My truth to you is to love yourself be kind to yourself and others. We all have our stories and together we can be unbeatable and make a huge difference in humanity. The evolution of self-love is truly the evolution of life. Life is a choice.
Michelle
